Gatesy in Prague

Czech Republic says 'YES' to violence against women

2010-04-02T07:17:00.000-07:00

So some of you lucky buggers get to go out and smash massive pelagics and I am trapped in a land locked country and have to spend the weekend with the in laws. What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted

Anyway Easter here means the men can run around with plaited willow branches and smack any woman he wants on the arse. The problem is if the woman thinks it hurts too much they can tip a bucket of water on the mans head. Remember we have just finished winter the water is ‘spanner water’ (it tightens the nuts).

So being in finance and regularly having to evaluate the merit of internal project I am familiar with the concept of ‘risk vs reward’. It took me approximately 3 seconds to conclude that a bucket of icey water is a small price to pay for being able to ‘able go to town on my mother laws arse with a whip’. Deadset that woman will not be sitting for a week and I’ll be cold for approximately 2 minutes before I hop into the shower. The other option is I wonder if she realises my cricket bat is willow. In the words of the amazing Mr Happy Gilmore ……………. “the price is wroooooooooong bitch” Maybe my Easter won’t be so ordinary after all

Cheers

Gatesy

More Piccies

2009-10-20T12:24:00.000-07:00

Hi all

Well I promised some more piccies of the little one, so here they are. Mum has just left and we had a great time with her here. Its amazing that sooo long after having to nurse me and my sister that the old lady still has it. With in 5 minutes of arriving mum had managed to get about 25l of gas out of the Olivka which Michaela and I were having all sorts of issues with.

So here they are

Olivia Michaela Gates born 26 August 2009

2009-08-27T00:21:00.001-07:00

Hi guys

Just a quick post today until i have pictures etc to let you know that Olivia (Olivka) was born last night at 7:10pm and is now resting with her mum in hospital.

The male nurse was saying something like 'Arh cute little girl' and my fatherly instincts cut in immediately

I was thinking ..........................
'Don't you look at my daughter buddy unless you want me getting crazy on your arse'

Anyway i will post photos when I have some that are a little more PG rated

cheers

Gatesy aka Novy Tata aka New Dad

Not long now

2009-08-10T02:09:00.000-07:00

So this weekend with only a few weeks to go we made a quick dash to Germany to pick up our pram/car seat/stroller etc etc that we had ordered some months ago. The new little Skoda Roomster is a driving treat compared to the Opel Agila we had borrowed off the in-laws while we saved for a car, and at 140-150km/h (remember we were in Germany) still only needs about 7.5L/100km which I think is pretty good.

Anyway picked up the goodies (car packed to the roof :)) and returned to the in-laws to drop it all off. Apparently it is bad luck to have a pram in your apartment before the baby is born in this country so it all stays in Zalany until d-day. We made an in promptu visit to some of my friends playing cricket in Dresden and next thing I know I am padded up and batting as they were one player short. Made 5 magnificent runs before the cover drive failed me AGAIN and we then ducked off home again.

I will let everyone know ASAP when the little one joins us

Is the Czech Republic fighting terrorism or just hungry

2009-07-24T08:33:00.000-07:00

Hey all

Well recently I was down in the garden of the FIL when I stumbled across a crop of poppy plants. "Hmmmm these look like the poppy plants you always see in Afghanistan documentaries about the Taliban heroin production". After some inconspicuous questioning of the in laws "You're all F***ing drugo's aren't you!!!!!!!!" I realised that it's grown for cooking purposes although I swear I heard something about medicinal purposes in there somewhere :)

Anyway, the result of my research is that it is indeed the same plant that heroin is extracted from except the difference between the nasty drug and a tasty cake topping is where on the plant you get the goodies and how long it’s grown for. Heroin is extracted from the sap of the young plants and the poppy seeds are extracted after the bulbs are fully ripe and left to dry. They are then shaken out of the bulbs.

Some more research told me that it is possible to return a positive return for opiates after eating poppy seed cake or 2 poppy seed bagels. The result of this revelation is that the US lifted their drug test thresholds to take into account poppy seed cake :)

It also is interesting to know that the CR is the world’s largest producer of poppy seed. Now if they spent more time and effort producing drugs, they could flood the market with cheap heroin reducing demand and dropping the price .................. hence reducing the cash inflow for the Taliban. Hahaha the humble mujahedeen gets taken down by basic supply and demand of the global market.

Another interesting thought is that after eating an entire poppy seed cake it looks like you're eaten an entire ant colony when you drop the kids off the next day (shock)

Also I will post some updated pictures of the garden and you can appreciate the amount of potatoes i will have to pick (shit not looking forward to that)

Cau for now

Pregnancy Photos

2009-07-22T02:52:00.001-07:00

Here are pics from a horrendous photo session. Thought it would take 20-30 minutes ............... WRONG

The results are ok though

Is hell freezing over???????

2009-07-21T00:47:00.000-07:00

FINALLY

After more then a year in this country I am finally about to 'wet a line' this weekend with the uncle in law. He has a private dam on his property which has carp so i am hoping to get in there and land a couple. I will keep you posted on the progress. I secretly suspect we will catch nothing but I AM STILL EXCITED

Will update more soon, like do you know the effort the Czech Republic goes to tackle terrorism? I will tell you how soon

cheers

Gatesy

Tropical Prague?

2009-06-30T02:25:00.000-07:00

As some of you may be aware, some regions of the Czech Republic are in a state of emergency due to floods. I never thought I’d say Prague would ever feel like a tropical destination but with 27-28 degree days and 90% humidity it is pretty muggy. We are having hot humid sunny days but then at about 3 or 4pm the massive storm clouds roll in and we get lashed by severe thunderstorms for the next 4 hours. I need a machette to get through our lawn at the moment because I am convinced an electric lawn mower and wet grass do not mix LOL

Now I know none of you non Europeans think this is nasty or anything out of the norm but I now want you re think your opinion after I give you one more piece of information ………….. Ready for it????

It seems a large majority of Czech men think using deodorant is taboo. Now consider being packed onto a metro like a sardine at the end of a hot and humid day and being crushed up against 3 blokes all holding the over head hand rail and none of them have deodorant.

Dead set fellas bad BO does not make you a sex god!

Bad BO does not make the chicks want your seed!

Bad BO does not help the Aussie bloke keep his lunch down!

To give you some kind of idea what its like imagine leaving some seafood out in the sun for 2 days, can you picture that? Now times that by 10, still got it? Now double that and add some - hahahaha

Different Perspective

2009-06-04T12:30:00.000-07:00

Hello all

I recently changed jobs and I have just finished the induction process to make me feel like a valued member of the 500,000 staff. I am not just a number, I am a valued member :D

Anyway as part of the process I had the pleasure of sitting in a room with a lovely Englishman (lets call him Barry) as he took us through the all the standard induction stuff. You know what I am talking about, as its the same everywhere

1. Do not download hardcore pornographic material on the company laptop
2. Do not use hard drugs on the premises
3. Do not slap the bosses wife on the arse at the xmas party

As part of the process we were discussing the difference in cultures as there are 65 different nationalities in the office and we got onto the topic of the terrible customer service normally encountered in this country when Barry asked me a question

"When you go to the pub in England or Australia, how does it work?"

I answered
1. I walk in
2. I go to the bar and order my beer
3. I get my beer and immediately pay
4. I carry my own beer to the table and drink it
5. I go back to the bar and order another one

He then asked me what happens in the Czech Republic and I realised
1. I walk in and sit down
2. The waiter comes over and takes the order for the beer
3. He returns with my beer
4. He takes my order for another beer
5. He then brings it over as well
6. I pay as I leave

Barry then asked me 'Do i still think the service is crappy in the Czech Republic?'

Obviously the answer is YES but it certainly makes you think doesn't it. As Barry explained it all comes down to the expectations. I don't expect it to take 15 minutes for the beer to arrive and then have the waiter BEG for tips. Anyway food for thought

Until next time

So I am mobile again

2009-05-25T23:47:00.000-07:00

Hello avid readers

Finally after almost a year of no bicycle I have acquired a new chariot to take me around town. It helps that my lovely wife teaches english at a bike manufacturer, and that one of the students is the Czech beach CEO. This allowed a little discount to come our way.

Now, after all my talk about the 'scary' Czech roads you'll be pleased to know that the cyclists apparrently knew this and have successfully lobbied govt for a good cycle way system. As a result I can ride from my work to home, a distance of about 17km and only have to ride on the road for about 700m of the journey (and thats through a small hick village). The rest of the way is designated cycle way and simply a pleasure to ride on.

For me to get to or from work takes about 55 minutes on crowded metros but on the bike it takes about 55 minutes in scenic valleys, past childrens play areas and of course through the small hick village.

How's the serenity

A few of my footy mates also have bikes and we are now in the early stages of organising a nice ride to Karlstejn Castle. Its about 32km each way and we are looking to do this shortly. Should be fun.

I am hoping that I will be able to ride from work a few times a week to maintain the limited fitness levels and enjoy the warmer months

Until next time

Gatesy

Life on the land

2009-05-20T06:04:00.000-07:00

In 2 respects, firstly because I feel i live 2,000 light years from salt water and also because Tonda (FIL) has a little paddock where he grows the family vegies etc. Sure I call it a small paddock but it big enough that you need a tractor. As an aside, with all these tractors and heavy farm equipment laying around it comes as no surprise to me that Czech and Hungarian women are sooo damn good at the hammer throw. Some of them damn well have forearms bigger then my thighs - hahahaha

Anyway since I can't speak bugger all Czech I have turned to farming to assist in developing a relationship with the father in law. He says "dig" and I ask "how deep?"No no thats a lie but i have been assisting in planting all the tomato's, potatoes, cucumbers, potatoes, pumpkin as well as feeding the rabbits. Oh did i mention the potatoes? Last August Michaela, myself, Tonda (brother in law) and Eliska (sister in law) had to pick these potatoes and it was REALLY REALLY fun ....................... for the first 50 kg's. After 4 hours and 950kg of potatoes later I was a little over it. This year I have a problem!!!! Michaela and Eliska are both pregnant and will be unable to assist in this task so it seems Tonda and I will have 8 hours of potato picking. Tonda senior doesn't see the problem but perhaps thats because he will be driving the tractor, probably sitting back sipping on a pina colada with straws and an umbrella in it...........GRRRRRRRRR.

I know I sound like an old woman blabbering on about this stuff but in actual fact it is really fun and quite relaxing. Tonda (FIL) and I normally take a few hours to feed the rabbits, chooks and pigeons (they are a disgusting animal) while the ladies go for a walk then we sit back with a beer attempt to have a chat, which basically means we sit in silence staring at each other with the occassional manly head nod and a deep gutteral grunt.. MALE BONDING AT ITS BEST.

So i will endevour to keep you all up to date with my gardening/farming prowess. As an addition to this i am pleased to announce that Michaela and I are the very proud owners of the best weed garden in our apartment complex - Who says my thumbs aren't green

Ultra sound video

2009-05-14T02:33:00.001-07:00

Well since the video is too large for me to forward around to people who might want to see i will try and post it here

Who says ice hockey is only for winter?

2009-05-07T03:11:00.000-07:00

I know you've heard this before but really it is soooo much fun to play. I took a day off work on Tuesday and headed to a town called Slany (translation = Salty) to play hockey with the airline mechanics from Czech Airlines. They get all angry when i call them mechanics instead of aeronautical engineers but i call a spade a spade.

Lets me assure you there is a significant difference between 5 on 5 hockey on a full size rink and the tiny rink i usually play on. After going one end to another 4 times you are buggered and HAVE to sub off.

The mate i played with, lets call him Greg, is a terrible skater but after 20 years of field hockey experience he had great stick skills. If we could combine my skating and his stick skills be would be 1/2 OK. But as it stands we were rubbish.

After 1.5 hours of hockey you're totally stuffed and ready to get off the ice. We had a great time

The tourist are here, its time to make some money

2009-05-07T02:45:00.000-07:00

This was what I experienced on the weekend when I took a friend to a favored drinking hole last Friday. My friend, lets call him Tom, made the journey with a few friends to Prague and I agreed to meet up and have a quiet beer. I took him to a nice beer hall near the tourist centre of town and we all sat down for a beer and a meal.

We enjoyed a nice meal and experienced the standard Czech Republic non existent service. When we asked for the bill the waiter came over and explained the total food and beer cost 1,800 ck (about $20 each for a meal and beers) and then he told us we HAD to pay him 300ck on top for his service.

Obviously this guy did not realise I am a 'local' (perhaps 'resident' is a better word) because I quickly explained when he left that this is not standard and under no circumstances do you have to pay a tip if you're not happy with the service (what service?). If the guy had shut up and just given us the bill we would have left 2000ck as it’s a nice easy round number, but because he demanded we decided this guy can get stuffed so we left 100ck. We then got treated to a magnificent performance as he came over and counted the cash in front of us and then started BEGGING for more money.

"PLEASE PLEASE I MUST HAVE MORE, OH PLEASE. OH THE HUMANITY!!! HOW WILL I LIVE"

I was outraged and we asked him to explain the situation? Does he get no wage or what? He refused to answer and said don't worry about it then.

So it made me wonder, how could this guy embarrass himself like that so publicly? Then it clicked! Light bulb! He assumes we were tourists and he'd never see us again so he didn't care and if it works on 1/2 the tables then he ends up with a very comfortable living in Prague. After this moment of insight, I had conflicting thoughts.

1. This man is an entrepreneur and making the most of the situation granted to him

2. What a dickhead, and if my glass wasn't full of precious beer I would have thrown it at him (mmmmmm precious beer)

Enough of that. Since then I have told all my Czech friends about this (yep both of them) and they were all outraged and embarrassed that this happened in their town.

Moral: None but just be careful of dickheads trying to fleece you in tourist hubs

Simply the Best

2009-04-30T06:50:00.000-07:00

For Milada's (mother in laws) birthday we bought her a ticket to go and see Tina Turner in Prague. Obviously we bought tickets for ourselves while we were at it. So last Monday was concert night and she was amazing. Maybe the best concert I have ever been too, maybe!. She still had a booming voice and all her trademark little dances and shimmy's. The average age of the people in the audience was about 25-30 and the place was rocking. On top of this she did almost 2.5 hours of performing, broken into 2 hour and a bit sessions with a 1/2 hour break in the middle

What was very interesting about the concert was she made no attempts to speak in Czech, not even a token 'Hello Prague'. I was wondering how this would be received but the crowd understood a lot. What was amusing was that there were normally 2 lots of laughter. The first lot from the people who can understand english (40% of the crowd) and then a smaller laugh from those who had it translated to them by friends and family.

We had a great time and It amazing the crowd pulling power a 70 year old lady can have. Super stuff and we all had a great time except for Tonda who found the seats very uncomfortable to sleep in

ITS GOING TO BE A GIRL

2009-04-23T04:55:00.000-07:00

So we had our ultra sound the other day and have found out that the little menace currently growing in Michaela's belly is a girl. I was soooo angry when Michaela told me because (wait for it) I have deliberately learnt the czech word for daughter (dcera) and son (syn) as well as man (muz) and woman (zena). But then the gynacologist used 'holka'. Buggered if i knew what that was GRRRRRRR. Turns out holka means girl.

So apart from my mild aggravation of not understanding the 'Czech only' speaking doctor we are thrilled. I went to work and at lunch i went to a toy store to check out the female part of the toy store. I always go and check out the boy part of the toy stores, not because i want a boy, but because i wonder what cool toys there are for me to play with. Man those new transformer toys looks like fun. I wonder what Michaela would think if she found a couple of them stuffed under my half of the bed???????????? That would be an interesting survey into female responses
Anyway, after some research, i was blown away to discover that 'My Little Pony' seems to be hugely popular over here. I swear my sister had these when i was 4 (now 28 in case you weren't sure). Surely they have not made a come back! But then i realised if flares, mullet hairstyles and transformers can come back then why can't a small plastic purple pony?????.

After that i went to the firearm store to learn about the Czech regulations in respect to me owning a BIG FU*K OFF ASSAULT WEAPON to keep teenage boys away from my house (when the time comes). Let me assure you it's easier to get your hands on a kalashnakov in this country then it is in Australia.

No w we need a name, let me assure you there is no way I can accept a Czech name like Bohumira. That just wouldn't be good enough. But how about Jordan Investi Gates????? HAHAHAHA There is so much fun to be had with my last name. So many laughs!!!!!!!
By the way the Oven and the bun are both doing well

Until next time

Czech Hockey Final Series Ticket

2009-04-01T04:25:00.001-07:00

Well as you may have discovered with some of my posts. I have good Czech Republic days and BAD Czech Republic days.

Well today i am pleased to say I am having a great Czech Republic day. Today I bought 5 tickets, for me and 4 friends, to go and see the 3rd game (first home game) of the Czech Extraliga Final Series between my local team Slavia Praha and Karlovy Vary. The price was $80 AUD for the 5. Thats makes $16 a ticket with my maths and I reckon thats a bargain.

Sure it costs $1,000,000 and my left testicle to fish in this country but the hockey games are reasonably priced :D

Wohoo can't wait

The Pig Kill

2009-04-01T02:38:00.000-07:00

OK Guys here it is. Sorry for the delay but I have realised that this will have to be a multipart thread. I haven’t written too much as I was planning for it to be more of an pictorial then written text. PLEASE CHECK YOUR HAPPY WITH THE CONTENT BEFORE LETTING YOUR KIDS SEE THIS

WELL WHAT AN EXPERIENCE
I have seen animals killed for fun or for veterinary reasons but this was the first real time I had seen an animal ‘butchered’ that wasn’t a fish. How can I start? How about ‘It was a nice cold December morning and I was struggling with a head cold’.

We started at about 8am with Tonda (father in law - FIL), Tonda (grand father in law - GFIL) and Jindra (Uncle in law - UIL). Tonda (brother in law) was suspiciously absent from proceedings as he doesn’t quite subscribe to the pig kill philosophy althought he enjoys pork.

I remember thinking “how the hell are we going to kill a 160kg pig?” Fell it was a fairly simple procedure and it was all over very quickly for the pig. A ‘slip knot’ rope was attached over the pigs snout which caused the pig the immediately sit on its haunches like a statue and start squealing like a pig (I now know where this phrase comes from). Tonda (FIL) quickly rushed in while the pig was paralysed by this rope, pressed a bolt gun against the animal’s forehead and flicked the trigger. This caused a 10cm bolt to fire from the end of the gun straight into the pig’s brain. The end result was one dead pig. As I said, it was a very quick and humane process.

Jindra and I then quickly dragged the pig onto the grass and the pig’s throat was stabbed where the vein was and all the blood was drained from the body into a bucket. While this was happening Tonda (GFIL) was stirring the blood with his hand. I am not really sure what this was for but I am guessing to stop the blood from congealing and going solid. It was later used in blood sausages (not my favourite).

Once this was over we covered the pig in sap powder and then started pouring boiling water on it. This softened up the hair and allowed us to shave the animal was fairly crude looking metal cups. It took about 1hr to do this and once we had done the pig the remaining hairs were burnt off with a blow torch so the pig’s skin was smooth like a baby’s bottom.

We then all struggled to hoist the animal up onto a tripod so Tonda (FIL) could start the butchering process. From my view the only part of the pig that was wasted was the hair and the penis. Everything else was used. EVERYTHING

The guts were emptied and used to make sausages and port terrene. The fat was boiled down to make a cooking fat/bread spread. The skins and the other organs all went into the sausage with equal parts of garlic. As a result I can admit the taste was quite nice but I couldn’t get past the fact all the organs, skins and brain was in there so as a result I tried everything but won’t be going back for seconds.

All the offcuts and pieces of fat that missed the sausages and cooking oil went through the grinder to make mince. Its nice mince if you’re ok with mince that’s 50% fat and 50% meat.

The rest of the animals was cut into ribs and fillets and pieces of meat perfect for schnitzel (spelt ‘rizek’ in Czech) and roasts etc. Yum Yum.

I am pleased to admit I was actively involved in the entire process and I think 20 years of killing, bleeding and filleting fish put me in really good stead to handle everything I saw without needing to ‘drive the porcelain bus’ as some of it was pretty gross. Cleaning ‘waste’ out of 40m of animals intestine so you can then refill it with sausage meat to later eat was one memory that certainly sticks out.

I think my favourite part was when we prepared the meat for the smoking and then tasted the reward. I have never had meat STRAIGHT from a smoker but it was absolutely delight ful. Even the fat in the meat was yummy and had a mouth watering smoky taste. Mmmmmm hog fat.

Anyway the entire process took almost 2 days but was quite fun. I will say I needed a weekend to recover when it was all over.

My progress with the Czech language

2009-03-27T07:23:00.000-07:00

WHAT PROGRESS?????? - hahaha

No seriously it's taking a very long time but it is amazing how I gradually find myself understanding more than the ZERO I previously understood and am slowly starting to be able to have conversations with people. Sure, I am not solving the world’s problems or discussing the pros and cons of the communist system but I am starting to be able to converse about small matters. On top of this my cases and tenses are all wrong and I am referring to men as women and women as men but these are small inconsequential nuances (well at least until I do it to a 150kg strongman) and people can understand what I am saying despite these cock ups.

Sure sometimes I get it wrong and the entire discussion dies or what I say has a totally different meaning to what I expected but 'shit happens'. E.g.: Turat and Turak sound the same but one means 'to urinate' and the other means 'man cxxx' (the most offensive word you can say in the Czech language, obviously the masculine version). I will not tell you which is which as it has caused me some difficulty in the past.

The most important tool to conversing in a different language is called ALCOHOL. I had never had a conversation with Michaela's dad but that all changed last weekend at the mother-in-laws b'day with the help of 1L of Czech rum. He and I were in the kitchen by ourselves and when he started talking to me. I listened and then started laughing at all the right places (he told me this was the first time in 40 year he had drunk rum because of a bad experience yada yada yada). Michaela came rushing in to see if I needed help but I told her what I understood and she asked her dad and I was 100% right (praise alcohol). She then left us alone and we continued our 'man chat' LOL.

Me and the father in law

Me and the father in law and the brother in law

Drunk father in law and drunk grand father in law

At the end of the night, after my pregnant wife and DRUNKEN father in law had passed out and the other 10 guests had left I was alone with the mother in law. We stayed up till almost 3am in the morning chatting about small stuff but the next day Michaela reported that my language abilities appeared to have developed significantly. I answered certainly not without the assistance of alcohol. The good news is that the 1/2 litre of rum seemed to hit the father in law significantly more then me. He was in a bad way, but perhaps I have more practice :D

The evidence the next morning

Anyway I am now having lessons and I think they are working (slowly) in helping me understand stuff.

Having said all of the above it is nice to sometimes not know what is going on. For instance when the mother in law is nagging Michaela or my father in law sometimes ignorance is bliss

Really pissed off

2009-03-25T07:52:00.000-07:00

Well after doing heaps of research about the fishing opportunities in the Czech Republic I thought I had my game plan sussed for the up coming summer that was until I saw the price. To get the license it costs $100 bucks for one year which I thought was a bit steep ($75 for 3 years in NSW in Australia) but then for me to get a permit to fish in specific lakes I need to cough up another $200 bucks per lake (or something stupid like that)

I figure this Czech fishing can go and 'blow it out its arse'. WHAT A RIP OFF. I asked a colleague who I was going to fish with about the price and he said it’s because your allowed to keep 30kg of CRAP (oops I mean Carp) a year.

So my issues are
1. $100 for a license for one year
2. $200 bucks to fish in the pond/lake for 1 year (well really 6 mths as its FRIKKEN frozen for the other 6 mths)
3. They tell me I can only keep 30kg a year - Who the PHUQ would want to eat carp any way
4. There is no discount if you only want to C&R (catch and release)

So considering the difficulty and price ($300 is about 70% of annual pre tax wage hahaha) I reckon I might politely pass on the Czech fishing scene and just keep reading every report I can from my kayak fishing friends in Australia where they can at least catch a fish that has a meat : mud ratio better the 1:1

I am soooooo MAAAAAAAAAD.

Oh and in answer to the question "Who the PHUQ would want to eat carp anyway?” The answer everyone as the bloody stuff is sold in the supermarkets everywhere. Whole Carp, Carp chunks and Carp fillets (there’s an oxymoron for you).

I am sure I will calm down but right now I am really annoyed and having fishing withdrawal symptoms (sigh)

Until next time

Gatesy

Czech Radio

2009-03-18T08:22:00.000-07:00

Hey guys

I encountered something the other day that had me really quite amused. There is a lot of english music played over here which makes sense but the language barrier means there are some subtle differences. For instance swear words are not 'BLEEPED OUT' like they are in Australia on commercial radio. This means that songs with the 'F' and 'C' words are played in their ENTIRITY.

I encountered this when i was driving the car and a song by 'The Darkness' starts playing and then all of a sudden the chorus starts 'Get your hands off of my woman, mother f***er'. I nearly crashed the car i was laughing so hard. So i went to work to chat about it to the other aussies. One bloke, Justin who has a French wife and young son, said they were in a toy store when a song by Eamon came on. the chorus for this song goes like this

F*** what I said it dont mean shit now
F*** the presents might as well throw em out
F*** all those kisses, they didn't mean jack
F*** you, you hoe, I dont want you back

He was amazed and turned to his wife and expressed his comcern about this song being played in a toy store only for his wife to turn around as say 'I love this song' as she was singing along with their child in his pram LOL

Arh ignorance if bliss

A change of perspectives and attitude

2009-03-17T07:08:00.000-07:00

When I was younger, single and 6ft tall 'n' bullet proof I used to quite enjoy adrenalin scenarios but its amazing how perspectives and attitudes can change after a significant event.

The significant moment responsible for the change was when my lovely wife told me we were expecting our first child (still not sure how it happened hahahaha). Well to say a lot of things changed would be an understatement and my reaction to certain scenarios has changed with this news.

For instance the other night we went to dinner and caught a movie but on the way home 2 spaced out kids (maybe 18 years old) thought it would be a good idea to prepare their heroin fix on the crowded metro. SERIOUSLY WTF!!!!! Anyway the point is my normal reaction would have been to give them a mouth full of expletives. I was thinking something like "GET THE F*** OFF THIS TRAIN". But instead I grabbed my pregnant wife and moved her further up the carriage away from these 2 idiots. I wasn't the only person to see the syringe; spoon and cigarette lighter come out either as there was a small exodus towards the front.

The other massive area of change is PEDESTRIAN CROSSINGS! I used to love to just walk out and watch the approaching car slam on its brakes when the driver finally realised there was a pedestrian there always thinking I’d be fast enough to avoid the car. My attitude has changed there as well and I now wait either for no cars or for the approaching car to see me and stop. The fact that pedestrian crossing are nearly impossible to see in this country and that a hard braking car and ICE is not a recipe for rapid deceleration MAY have helped but I am blaming it on the expected little one.

No pictures this time as I didn't think the heroin junkies would like some stranger filming there illegal activity (even more evidence of my changing attitude :D)

New Job?

2009-02-18T01:54:00.000-08:00

Bugger this accounting for a joke, today i found the perfect job. Its seasonal and looks like sooooo much fun.

What is this great job? (I can hear you all asking)

Mini snow plough driving.

I get to drive a VERY manuvreable tractor around the side walks clearing all the snow and putting down salt and grit (small pebbles) for idiots who wear business shoes to work :D

Hmmmm food for thought

Professional Hockey

2009-02-16T05:05:00.000-08:00

Well, last Friday night after work Michaela and I met up with a couple of South African auditors from Deloittes (they had been auditing my work and finished 3 days prior). We met up and made our way via metro to O2 Arena which has a metro 30 seconds walk from the front door which is awesome.

We were there to watch Slavia Praha vs Liberec White Lions which was a top of the ladder vs the 3rd bottom (apparently no one told Liberec they were meant to lose). We had some seats in right next to the Slavia fans and nestled in to watch the game. It was immediately obvious the difference between Michaela's brothers 2nd division team and these Extraliga teams. I guess thats the difference between semi and fully professional. Anyway the end result was 7:1 to Liberec which certainly was an upset. The cost for the Liberec team was heavy! 2 of their players were helped from the rink after both receiving a puck in the face at about 140km/h. It was atrocious, blood every where as these poor fellows face were nearly caved in by pucks. It provided a break in play as the cleaners had to come out and scrape all the blood off the ice with something that resembled a large chisel.

The play has stopped and 3 medical staff are attending to a players face

2 interesting parts of the evening was the small blimp was flying around inside the arena with advertising on its side (very American) and the supporters. The difference between Czech and Australian supporters is that Czech supporters actually support their teams without exception. This is very different to the fair weather supporters you see in Australian sport.

At the end of the game, after being THUMPED the Slavia players came and sat on the ice in front of the supporters while the supporters sang to them. I asked Michaela what they were saying, as I was expecting "You guys F***ING SUCK", but they were singing something along the lines of "we support you if you win or lose and we will be back here next week to watch you play again regardless of the result". Once they had finished the players tapped their sticks on the ice to thank the crowd for coming and left. It was very nice to hear this from supporters after growing up in Sydney were we would have sung "we support you when you win but you can bugger off if you lose"

It's a pity this doesn't happen in Australia :(

Fool me once, shame on you! Fool me twice.........

2009-02-13T00:33:00.000-08:00

SHAME ON ME

Despite my previous post about the dangers of wearing business shoes in snow do you think i listened to my own advice?????

NO OF COURSE NOT

The other day we had blizzard conditions all day with dumping snow and STRONG winds. The snow and wind stopped at about 3pm and when i left for home all the snow had melted (the temp was about zero all day) and i forgot to change into my winter boots ................. IDIOT. The result was that there was more snow over night and I then had to walk to work in my work shoes, which i am now convinced are soled with TEFLON. Maybe i can get sponsored by Tefal and get a red spot put on the sole of my shoes, like the naked chef.

On the glass 1/2 full side I ONLY fell on my arse once, but on the glass 1/2 empty side it really hurt :D

Anyway i am not sure if saying continues with 'fool me thrice and I am a deadset TOOL'

I have an announcement to make!!!!!!!!

2009-02-09T07:05:00.000-08:00

Yep, after nearly 2 months with nothing the sun it has finally reappeared and my skin started to bubble after so long with no contact
It is strange that I knew i'd be fine with cold temperatures but cold temperatures and no sun REALLY SUCKS.
The irony is that the moment the sun showed itself everyone at work shut the blinds because it was making it difficult to see the screen. Come on people WTF are you doing as I am sure it will be gone again by this time tomorrow :D

Responsible service of Alcohol in the Czech Republic??????

2009-02-09T05:10:00.001-08:00

So the other day a mate of mine was heading home to Oz after 6-7 months here, he is the same bloke we spent NYE2009 with. As a fair well a few of us went to a place called 'The Pub' which has beer taps on every table and every person is allocated a number on the touch screen monitor. When you pour yourself a beer you simply hit your number then start pouring and it measures how many litres are poured. IT'S GREAT.

So where is the problem, I hear you all saying!!!

Well the problem is that not only do you get to compare how much each person on the table has drunk compared to each other, but there is a big screen that compares the beer consumed by your table against every other table in the place, and this screen then compares the tables throughout all the other locations in the Czech Republic against one another. The point is that eventually you find yourself in a position where your table of 5 mates has only had 50 beers compared to the leading table which has had 65 beers and therefore you all need to drink faster :D
I am very glad i got there late and had to leave early and therefore could only contribute 4 beers to the tally but the boys were certainly putting up a valiant effort.
As an aside, the beer taps have gas knobs that you can adjust depending how gasy you want your beer. So we had a table challenge where you had to get as much as beer as possible into the glass. As some of you may not know the beer glasses over here have a line that marks 500mls and this is about 1.5 inches from the top of the glass, the rest of the glass is filled with froth. I am pleased to annouce i WON and managed to get 650mls into my 1/2 litre glass.
Anyway this place certainly does not practise responsible service of alcohol like you find in Australia, BUT it sure is fun

The Dangers of Floorball

2009-02-06T05:58:00.000-08:00

So in an effort to try and prevent a massive blowout on my guts due to a cold winter and Czech food I have been playing as much sport as possible. One of these sports is Floorbal which uses a ball similar to a practise golf ball but is similar to hockey in every other way.
Well last night i learnt that despite the ball only weighing 30 grams or so it still leaves marks. I was goaling tending, which really means i was taking a breather because there were no reserves, when i was struck in the neck from a vicious wrist shot from one of the guys. Saved the goal, well obviously since i am 3 inches wider then the goal in every direction :D, but i did receive 2 cuts on my neck where the ball hit me. (nothing too serious but the photo doesn't do it justice). At the time we were all laughing that it looked like I had just made love to a large woman and she had won :D
Despite this apparent violence it is still a thoroughly entertaining game.

Downhill skiing in Europe

2009-02-04T02:54:00.000-08:00

Well I know its a little bit late but on News Year Day after spending the previous evening 'smashing the cans' with friends we headed up to the mountains that were only about 20 mins away from where we were staying.
We hired the essentials (boots and skis) and borrowed some other stuff from friends. This was Michaela and my first time skiing together so it was going to be interesting. We jammed our way into a gondola and headed up the mountain. We realised VERY VERY quickly that perhaps buying goggles would have been a good investment. I find there is nothing better then tearing down a hill at some break neck speed and then going directly under a snow gun (fake snow maker) with no goggles on, well i suppose it is appropriate considering my middle name is 'DANGER'.

Anyway we skied for the afternoon as everyone was a little hungover in the AM and had a great time although I was seriously surprised to see Michaela tear off down the hill in front of me. So much for her "I am 'ok' I guess". 'Ok' my arse, she was bloody good and bloody fast, where i am FAST but technically retarded which means on anything but perfectly groomed runs I look gangly, uncoordinated and out of control.
It was a very pleasant day but we had a weird incident in the bistro when we were getting some food. It appeared the bistro staff hadn't stopped drinking after new years and were all SMASHED. They were dropping uncooked chips onto the filthy floor then picking them up and putting them back into the deep fryer. Michaela said they were so drunk she couldn't understand them but i didn't pick up on that as it all sounded Greek to me :D

Anyway hopefully we can go again soon as we both had a lot of fun

Ice Hockey on the Pond

2008-12-31T06:44:00.001-08:00

After the recent cold snap, more then a week well below zero, i was invited by a guy from work to head down to the local pond for a little ice skating/hockey during lunch. Having never skated on a frozen piece of water before (only ever in a rink) i was a little sceptical when he was saying "it should be thick enough". He called me last night and let me know there were people skating on it so we were 'green for go'.

I was really happy when we came into sight of the 'pond', i'd call it a small lake, and saw heaps of people on it and also areas where no one had been so the ice was nice and fresh. So we parked the car, doned the skates and jumped on. I was very cautious at the start as I could see the thickness of the ice and was struggling to believe that only 10cm was required for skating. It just looked soooooo thin. Anyway after a few minutes i was feeling very confident and up to speed.

I was told that the ice was thinner on the edges so be careful when retrieving the puck from the edge. Well after a minute or 2 about 5 kids and few other adults came over and we started playing. At one point i had a big stack and heard a VERY LOUD cracking and was thinking i would be swimming but it was all good. Another bloke took a ENORMOUS fall where his skates went in the air and he fell strainght onto his arse on the ice. There was an almighty crack but again nothing. It was only when it was cracked that you could see just how thick it was. Where this bloke fell over it must have been 20cm + thick and totally safe.

Anyway we played for an hour or so they put the shoes back on and went back to work. What a great way to spend a lunch break

Anyway hope everyone has a happy new year

cheers

Gatesy

Cross Country Skiing

2008-12-30T00:02:00.000-08:00

So with the recent cold snap (has been below zero day and night for 6 days) and a little snow in the mountains near Michaela's parents place we decided to head for my first x country skiing experience. We went with one of Michaela's school friends partners and i was borrowing some of his gear.
They had to explain to me that there are 2 types of skiing. Traditional style and skating style, and we were doing the skating style as the skis are set up differently for each type. I figured I can ski and I can skate therefore i should be able to skate on x country skis ..................... WRONG.

What an interesting sport and damn hard to get used to. After the first 50m i had been on my face or arse about 4 times and was starting to get really annoyed. So i took it slowly and started to gradually get used to it. It think my biggest issue was the different in ankle support. My ice skates have heaps of support (very stiff boot) where as these x country skis have almost none (comparitively speaking) and the ski has no metal edge which took me some getting used to.
Anyway after a hour and a bit we had done our 6km and was time for a soup. I had been sweating profusely, had taken my beanie and gloves off and was now sporting a frozen mo hawk as the -10 degree temperature had frozen my sweaty hair almost instantly. Classic.
Anyway, i wasn't great the first time but i was getting the hang of it by the end so perhaps i will give it another go.

Later this week i might be trying my first ever pond ice skating as the ice is really thickening up and some of the guys at work want to play hockey in our lunch break. Here is my xmas present from Michaela, a thermometer unit for indoor and outdoors. So in this image it is 17 indoors and -7 outdoors (has a sensor outside which transmits the temperature reading into the unit).

until next time
Gatesy

The pig kill is coming

2008-12-16T08:22:00.001-08:00

This weekend I find out if I am a man or a soft stomached weener boy who vomits at the first sight of blood.

I am hoping I am 'a man'.

Although I am concerned the pig kill is the day after the work xmas party where I am expected to consume alcohol. Perhaps I will be weener boy??????

Only time will tell

My Inconvienient Truth

2008-12-12T00:48:00.000-08:00

As a youngster I was lucky enough to have parents that thought it was a good idea to send me skiing ans snowboarding as often as possible. Perhaps it was so they could have some "alone time" (wink wink) but I don't want to think about that. Anyway over this period I began to think that snow can only be associated with skiing, snowboarding and trips to Canada to visit the family ................ oooohhhhhhh was I in for a nasty return to reality when I walked outside to go to work to be met by a heavy snow storm.

I don't want to have to go to work in the snow this is depressing!!! I should be in my snow clothes frollicking through the fluffy powder making snowmen and pelting snow balls at unsuspecting old ladies. It appears this is my inconvenient truth .............. "Even when it snopws you still have to go to work"

Lesson 1
Getting leather souled business shoes to take traction in snow on a slight uphill gradiant is harder than getting peadaphelia charges to stick to Michael Jackson ................... its just not going to happen and the most likely outcome is either a torn groin muscle or a busted tail bone.

Lesson 2
In the Czech Republic, "no" means "yes" (seriously). In hindsight this has no revelance to snow but interesting none the less

Lesson 3
Despite looking totally ridiculous using an umbrella in the snow shower is very effective

Inter-racial relationships WTF

2008-12-11T01:37:00.000-08:00

I have been noticing a pretty significant trend over here and even when in Australia. It seems that Aussie men are choosing Czech women but Aussie women aren't choosing Czech men. When you meet a expat in this country you make one of 2 assumptions about HIM.

1. He is married to a Czech woman or in a registered gay domestic relationship (defacto status isn't recognised in this country for hetero relationships)
OR
2. He is on a lucrative expat contract and is being paid in GBP or Euro or USD and living it large in this country

I believe there are 2 reasons for this lack of Aussie women with Czech men.

1. The first and most obvious is i reckon Czech men really dove into the shallow end of the good looks pool. I am not trying to make out I am a Don Juan or Fabio, I am certainly not but i really think there is not much to choose from for the ladies. I had a really good joke with a gay Canadian bloke at work. I asked him why he was here, because he is a gay man living in a country were the men are ugly and the women smoking hot (my wife included :D) ................. surely there would have been a better country to choose from. We had a good laugh about this.

2. The second is that Czech women are phenomenal cooks (yes a big generalisation) and they spoil their sons rotten with good food. Michaela used to tell me stories about when she came home from school her mum would say the food is in the fridge. Yet 5 minutes later when her brother arrived home she would jump up from the seat and rush to the kitchen and make him some snacks. You just don't get this sort of treatment from Aussie women, especially girls from my generation. I was chatting to a friend the other night and his girlie tried to cook him a chicken and ended up shorting out the entire apartment block and undercooking the chicken. I SAY GIVE ME A CZECH WOMAN

Anyway, it is an interesting trend and out of the 10 Aussie women i know in this country not one of them is married to a Czech guy.

I will keep you updated on this observation

Night in the village pub

2008-12-08T23:31:00.000-08:00

Well on Saturday night Michaela and I went to the pub in her parents village (300 person village). Good times in respect to the alcohol prices. $1 for a beer, $1 for a wine and $0.70 for a shot of Slivovice (damn nasty stuff). Well upon arriving I had every set of eyes on me as the whispering said "that's the Australian bloke that the Moukova girl married". I started getting asked questions about whether I sleep in a beanie/tuke because i can't handle the cold?

I had to quickly reply i only sleep with a beanie when my kangaroo won't let me sleep in it's pouch ............................ BLOODY REDNECKS HAHAHAHAHAHA (although they enjoyed the joke as well).

Anyway i started playing a czech game that resembles pool but there are no pockets and only 4 balls but the concept of angles etc is all the same.

Anyway about half way through the game against one of Michaela's friends husbands (Jirka), the peanut gallery of local redneck losers start making comments like "She couldn't find a bloke in this country so she needed to go overseas to find a husband". I thought it was quite hilarious the idiots didn't realise they were only putting shit on themselves by saying they weren't good enough, but there was nothing i could do to help the inbred hillbillies understand. That was fine but Jirka took it as an insult aimed at him and got all fired up. Unfortunately I doubt the 47 beers he had drunk would have assisted his fighting abilities so I had to quickly ease the situation with a mix stupid czech and pats on the back all round :D.
Obviously due to Jirka's intoxication and my perfect amount of "aiming fluid" i whooped his arse in the game ..................... TWICE (payback for a previous billiards flogging he handed me on his playstation).

Other then the idiots we had a great night and I got on great with most of the locals (with the assistance of my translator wife). The pub is an interesting place with a deers head mounted on the wall next to porn centrefolds which was a combination of pub memorabilia i have never seen before.

Before leaving the village to return to Prague i went to Czech on the xmas pig which is fattening up 'just nicely' and now weight in at a considerable 150kg and should put on another 10-15kg in the next 12 days. Good times.

Until next time

Gatesy

Xmas markets are here

2008-12-08T14:37:00.001-08:00

Well about bloody time, I have been stinging for a Svařák (aka Gluhwein aka spiced red wine). The other night, the bride and I went to the city because the markets had begun and we had a great time. Prague's center is pretty at the worst of times but with a few markets, a cup of spiced wine and a sausage and you simply can't go wrong.

We strolled from stall to stall czeching (oh oh bad pun) out all the offerings and having a nibble here and there. Michaela had me try the roasted chestnuts and seemed quite pleased they weren't to my liking because she could then eat them all :)

We had a relaxing evening, if you call being amongst thousands of people crammed into the small city centre relaxing! They lite the Xmas tree but we didn't hang around for that. Of note was the fact that in Australia the big tree in the city centre is plastic where as here it is a real tree, I was pleasantly surprised by this.

Anyway thats it for this one, short and sweet just like the Svařák. I did try a Mead but from the look on my face you can tell what i thought of it

cheers until next time

Gatesy

It's Hockey Time

2008-12-01T01:25:00.000-08:00

Well at a 30th B'day i was chatting to one of the Americans who plays AFL with me and he told me he plays pick up ice hockey on Sundays. For the Aussie's who read this, 'pick up hockey' is just social hockey where any one can play, all you need is a stick and either hire skates or buy your own.

Well, Sunday i went to the local sports store and purchased the cheapest stick i could get my hands on, about $20 worth, and headed off to the rink with my skates, stick and shin/knee pads (all bought 7 years earlier during my 6 months in Canada during the Hockey season). The great thing about pick up hockey is that it is non contact (heavy blows anyway) and there is a huge mix of talent so all are welcome. There were some seriously talented guys and some awesome kids about 8 years old that were skating rings around me....................literally.

Well to say i was rusty when i first hit the ice would be an understatement but after about an hours i had my skating improving and i was again comfortable defending while skating backwards. Defending is all i did as the teams were a little uneven and there appeared to be a team of NHL draft picks up against the local rag tag team. Obviously i was in the rag tag team.

It soon became known to all on the ice that the clumsy bloke was an Aussie so whenever i intercepted a pass or really did anything at all there would be a cheer come up from the subs from both teams. I think they appreciated a bloke from a non hockey country giving it a good go. Well the roof nearly came off when i got around my American AFL mate and scored a goal .................. then i did 3 victory laps then fell on my arse and slid into the boards. Instant Karma for being a dumb arse I guess.

Well I am really glad i found somewhere i can renew my hockey passion even if i am being blitzed by the locals. As an aside there was one bloke from Russia who did this fancy stick work and picked up the puck from the ice with his stick before flicking it from waste height straight at the goal. I had never seen anything like it and was in awe (along with everyone else there) for about 5 minutes. Anyway i gave him a good hit during the game and knocked him on his arse. He obviously didn't read the sign plastered all over me saying "Caution, Aussie who can't stop"

An encounter with the Czech 'Policie'

2008-11-27T14:47:00.000-08:00

Well tonight due to a late dinner with a friend from out of town I was forced to drive to the floorball rather than the reliable public transport. I plugged the closest metro station into the GPS (which is about 100m from the floor ball place) and headed off. I was 50m from the Metro station following the instructions from the GPS when I was pulled over by 2 Czech police walking down the street. As it turns out I was on a bus only road and was in BIG trouble (stupid GPS), I picked all that up from body language because sure as hell I didn’t have a clue what they were saying. They asked for my passport and I pulled out my Czech immigration books (looks like a passport only thinner and bright blue).

Here is the silly GPS that caused all my trouble

And the little blue ID book, which is a pain to carry around

They examined it then asked for a driver license so I tentatively pulled out my Australian NSW drivers license and handed it over. All was fine but then came the bad news. The offence normally carries a 2 demerit point penalty and a 2000CZK ($160 AUD) fine, but wait for it, ‘I got a special deal’. Tonight no points, no booked fine but I have to pay 1000CZK cash on the spot …………. hhmmmmmmmm………….is this my first taste of blatant Czech corruption????????

I politely let them know I only had 400CZK in my wallet so they told me, again through body language which kind of looked like the terrorist in ‘Team America: World Police’ (check out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvmeecIlfE4 to see what I'm talking about), to go and find an ATM to withdraw the cash. What the hell was happening here? I was thinking it must be corruption, yet after I handed over the cash and they gave me my license and ID back they proceeded to write out a receipt. Were they tax conscious corrupt police?, were they collecting VAT/GST on this? I had no idea there was such a thing of corrupt police that kept records, hahahahaha.

Receipts for my CRIMES

Anyway with that done I jumped back in the car and went to floor ball where I managed to be the 5th wheel on whichever team I played for. I really felt like some of them needed a good hip and shoulder but I refrained.

Good thing there is no photo of me because I am terrible

Following floor ball I set the GPS for home and took off still wearing shorts and a t-shirt and got into a huge traffic jam with the assistance of the GPS (stupid good for nothing piece of ****). The traffic jam, as it turned out, was the police again but this time doing massive car searches. It seems every single car on one of Prague busiest street was being pulled over by a swarm of cops and searched (every part of the car was being examined) but luckily me and one car in front of me got through. I did not see another car get through without being pulled over.

Hmmmmm, it was an interesting evening, which could have turned into a catastrophe if I hadn’t been carrying my Czech ID. I have only been carrying it for the last 3 days

Winter in Prague

2008-11-22T17:53:00.000-08:00

Well it seems 'There must be an Angel’ and it was playing with my heart.

Because tonight I came home from perhaps 1 or 10 drinks with my lovely wife in the city and found an angel talking to me in the garden.

Yep that’s right folks , the spanner has tightened and the nuts are nice and tight because it is Coldsville in Prague at the moment as the mercury has dropped savagely below ZERO and the snow has started to fall.

Yesterday it was THIS

And

Today it is THIS

I had my first driving experience in the snow today after indoor cricket training where i faced the bowling machine at 85mph (damn thats a scary experience). Driving in the snow on the way home was interesting and let's just say the right foot got a really good lesson in brake sensitivity as the different between safe driving and 'lockup into the guard rail' is about ½ ounce of brake pedal pressure. So lets just say I was loving it. And remember I am in the car with the ZERO crumple zone.

Here are some photos of tonight’s snow fall. The first 2 are the garden with the snopw every where and the last one is the apartment complex drive way and boom gate with the snow covering it. Good times

Driving in the Czech Republic

2008-11-22T01:25:00.000-08:00

URGGHHHHHHH where do I start???????
I will start with a scary statistic from the first 10 days of August but remember that August is summer and there is no ice on the roads. In the first 10 days of August 31 people died on Czech roads, which is a pretty terrifying statistic. It is a well known fact over here that Czech Republic has one of the worst driving records for fatalities every year of all European countries per capita.
From my personal experiences I have decided that most Czech people drive on the roads the same way that I drive on an Xbox……………..flat out with not a care in world. Unfortunately on the Xbox when you hit the road barrier at 300km/h you hit the ‘start’ button, scroll down to restart and begin again.

Just the other month Michaela and I were driving to her parents place about 90km from Prague and we had some idiot cross onto our side of the road in order to overtake someone. We were at the time in an overtaking lane and had almost passed a large truck so there was nowhere for us to go. The other driver realized at the last moment that there was in fact someone on the road in front of him and made a corrective move. There must have been centimeters in it. After I finished emptying my arse contents into my undies I got really angry and wanted to do a U-turn, chase the dirty MOFO and hit him with a tyre iron but I quickly realized that the massive horsepower of the 1.3L Opel Agila may not be up to the task of chasing down the large BMW.

I guess the scariest thing about the driving over here is that we are driving around in a car which has the structural integrity of an empty coke can, and that may in fact be a little harsh on the coke can.

The speed limit on the freeways is 130km/h but the almost ZERO visible police on those roads allows plenty of people to sit on 160+km/h without fear of recriminations. Once again I am restricted here by MASSIVE horsepower of the 1.3L engine – hahahahaha. On top of this the freeways in this country are very good and such speeds are easily doable if your car can take it.

Oh one other strange thing (well perhaps just different to Australia) is that if you have a crash over here you cannot move the car (even an inch) until the cops arrive so they can do a report for the insurance companies. This causes massive holdups on main roads even when someone only lightly bumps someone else in the rear. I understand the reasoning is to stop fraud but when there is already corruption in the police aren’t you just replacing apples with apples. HAHAHAHA I love it.

Oh one other thing, despite the horn on the tram sounding like a really friendly “hi” it actually means “GET THE PHUQ OUT OF THE WAY”. Stay out of the way of the trams because in battle of tram vs car the tram always wins
Until next time this is Gatesy signing off and preparing to drive to cricket training in a BLIZZARD

Czech police checks WTF

2008-11-17T00:28:00.000-08:00

UPDATE: tonight on the news 17/11/08 there was footage of a riot near Michaela's home. The gypsies vs the NeoNazis and the riot police came in and subdued the battle with the help of water cannon trucks. And here i was thinking the riot police were an overkill

I have been noticing more and more often that Czech police prepare for the worst when they have to attends events.

We went to a Extraliga Hockey game a couple of years back and in between the 2 supporting groups were about 50 heavy armoured riot police. What the hell happens in the hockey games i thought. There were only about 1,500 people there and they need riot police.

Well on the weekend we had a nice pub dinner then went to a nasty little joint to play darts and pool. After a few cleansing RUM & COKES i noticed about 20-25 massive blokes walk into the bar. They were the locals cops and they were all wearing black miltary attire and they had come to maintain the peace. Once again there were only 50 people in the bar. They were big serious blokes who were not pleased about some stupid drunk aussie pestering them in some foreign about having his photo taken with them. HAHAHAHA got to love the drunk aussie. Anyway we found one who was more open to the idea. I thought it was quite appropriate i was wearing my 'DON'T HASSLE THE HOFF' t-shirt at the time
I wonder what other experiences i will have with the Czech Policie in the future, but i sure hope it doesn't involve the riot police

Oh look there is an Australian! I wanna see the Australian too

2008-11-17T00:11:00.000-08:00

Sure it is to be expected in all large tourist centres throughout the world that everyone has seen an aussie but it SOOOOOO different in the smaller civilian areas. In these places the aussie is a drawcard and i seem to be finding it more and more often. Let me demonstrate

The other days we went to visit the in-laws and Michaela (my lovely wife) went to see a friend but I remained at her parents so i could get loaded with them and play cards. Anyway about a 1/2 hour later i get the call from the wife telling me that her friends had brought a group of there friends over as well to meet the 'aussie' and they had tried to cook aussie meals and learnt how to say G'DAY. Arh well TOO BAD as i was already loaded with her parents :).

Then on the weekend just past we went to a town in south east Czech Republic called Kroměříž (took me 4 months to learn to pronounce it) where we stayed with czech friends we met on our honeymoon. Anyway one of them got a call from their parents telling them to 'bring the aussie over' to there place. She replied by telling her parents they can't speak english and the parents quickly replied "all we need to do is give him schnitzel and potato salad and we will be communicating just fine". So sure enough we visited and 5 minnutes later i left there house with 1kg of potato salad and 2 Schnitzel...............hahahahahaha classic stuff but I still couldn't understand a bloody word she was saying.

Anyway i wonder how much more i will have to deal with this pseudo celebrity???????

Winter Sports in the Czech Republic

2008-11-11T12:23:00.000-08:00

Well it is getting to the time of year over here where the mercury drops and the spanner comes out to tighten up the nuts a little. The lack of metabolic action from the fish species makes fishing a NO GO especially if you don't have a warm pair of thermals a drill to get through the ice so it has to be inside sports. Saying that I have not exactly been overwhelmingly enthusiatic about catching carp. Sure they might go like the clappers when hooked but the week of burleying beforehand and the hours of non actions makes it quite unappealing.

So there is a very diverse and active indoor sports scene here in prague which is great especially with all the eye candy for the not so happily married blokes (which obviously counts me out :) isn't that right darling).

So tonight i made my first foray into the sports scene with a game of squash and lets just say after an hour of being run around the court by a fit irish blokes i was sweating like a peadofile in a kindergarten. A thoroughly great work out and i was stoked with the new racquet i purchased for my birthday which cost 450...............crowns (so about AUD$30) so I say the price is right.

Tomorrow i head off for cold beers, smoked sausage and a evening around the ice rink watching the Brother in law play in prague for his second division hockey side. I am starting to believe that perhaps beer and sausages should also be called an indoor sport.

On thursday i will be trying my hand at a sport called Floorball which is a super super fast paced game similar to ice hockey but it is played running instead of skating. Yep i don't think i'll be up for it either but i will try my very best. When it comes to my physical fitness i always say "YOU CAN'T POLISH A TURD" which i believe sums up my physical prowess. Anyway i will keep you all informed about my skill, or lack there off.

Until next this is Gatesy signing out

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